"Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh - is that you, Mr. Snuffleupagus? Your hairy trunk is ticklifying me!"

Spiders are full of protein and are especially useful for catching any flies you may have accidentally swallowed. I find the bigger hairier spiders tickle the throat a little, you can always liquidise them first if that causes distress. Just be careful not to eat too many big spiders - though they m...

Stay tuned for a new exciting feature "Dalek-Watch!".
Yes, a webcam is being installed as I speak. Win a prize if you spot Mr.Dalek escaping - or indeed making any movement whatsoever.

We expect a musing on this, Mr so-called Hines. You'll even get your own subsection.


Hmm...you can throw in your thoughts on The Phantom so-called Menace whilst your at it, you hear me, boy?

Now go to your room!

Tony here...



"Hmm, thought Tony, raising his eyes to the Heavens, Purcell's goat obsession has reached new heights"

This isn't the Purcell, this is Tony, currently unable to log in at home: Keith says yes, however, he wants £2000 for the whole shoot and publishing rights. Andy says yes, however he wants to wear his wetsuit - he assures us he will cut out the relevant areas as "peepholes" Adam has sent ...

Here's our old colleague and, on the left, the face of his farm yard friend!

I thought they had Cows over there and Jersey is infested with evil Mr. Potato Heads? Or is that just a rumour put about by John Nettles?