After murdering Simon Templar, Tony asks Keith for advice on how to make a pasty...

Didn't he become one of the London Fields Disappeared? If not, his number must be coming up soon!!

We've got this board connected to the ethereal realm, so he can probably answer either way... Is anybody out there..?

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That's Tony on the left and Keith on the right but what should the caption be?

Is Keith proclaiming: "Fist of fun!" ?

Is Cre'at saying: "Would you like four vegetable products?"

Shanklin Chinese restaurant? Is that the one where they let you choose your meal from the cage out the back? It's a bit like with lobster but less wet and rather more hairy. The worst problem with that sort of place is the smell - they never clean the cages out properly. It puts you right off your c...

Sued over The News of the Universes: Buffy Slays Dubya? Never! And I'll tell you why - that would mean the US government admitting that Dubya has been replaced by that chimp that Reagan used to work alongside in that ancient 1951 film "Bedtime for Bonzo."! I heard they had to do a bit of p...

Meat Curry, huh? I'm not a Curry person myself but from what I gather they tend to be rather spicy - now I am beginning to understand why! Could it be that you are indeed correct and the 'meat' in question is any left over animal tissue they have lying around? Disguise the taste with hot spices and ...

...open a can of Lord M on your ass! :shock: Oo-er! I knew you had a few problems but I didn't realise they went that far! Me, obsessed with dead bodies?! Just because I once checked your loft for one - you do live in the Death Capital of Crawley, if not Sussex - seemed like a sensible precaution! ...

There you go - a special offer! Did they find all of the parts to those two dismembered bodies that were discovered recently? I'm sure they didn't! Why do you think they put so much pepper in those pies? Probably a better preservative than salt... Anyway, if you want something nice perhaps you shoul...