"Ow,Tony,you're hurting me!" "Don't clench,it's the most natural thing in the world..." Keith:"Ok,Tony,I know you are sporting the latest line in novelty condoms but it still has to come off!" Mr Snufleupagus makes the grave error of wandering in on a typical Staggering...

For those of you who have a slight penchant for the feline species,I have to take my moggie to the vets next month.I can hear the cash till ringing as I am stung for about £80-£120 for one of my cats routine innoculations and to have her teeth cleaned.May my bank manager have mercy upon my soul....

It has come to my attention that one of my esteemed collegues is somewhat of an arachnaphobic nature.This is wholey understandable given the nature of the creatures in question.I can speak from personal experience of how cunning the little buggers can be.Read on... Many years ago,when I was still a ...

"There you go,George.From one big dick to another..."

Dubya:"Ah say,would you mind removing your hand from my botty-butt,I still ain't changed my diaper from yesterday..."
Chum:"Aw cummon,George,I am just showing you how friendly us Democrats can be..."

"Ok,you might be a goat but do you like Ultravox?"

"May I say Midge,that is a new look for you..."

Ello Mistuh Staggrin Storiz.Mummy and Daddy told me to rite you a ll a nice letter to say that Mistuh Dalek is hapy and well and livng in my bedroom wiv all my other fluffy toyz.He doesnot do much but goez around blasting all the other toys witv that funny fing wots on 'is front and makin a lot of s...

"Just before I do the 'paperwork'....there is one rather large turd standing next to me that needs flushing!"

"Blast,I've run out of loo roll.'Ere,Dubya,could I just borrow your robe for a mo...."

"If Christmas is a time for remembering,then that's me f**ked then..."

"'ere,Sharon,I'm just taking Charlotte Church out to teach her how to swear like a rock star..."

"If I give Midge Ure a call,do you reckon he'll play a few Black Sabbath songs on his next tour..."

"Let your mind reach out,my young G.I." (G.I.,Jedi,geddit!...oh well,never mind...)

"Less of the young,sergeant.Ever tried lifting an artillery shell by the power of the Force?"

Dubya : By Jiminy,we're gonna find those weapons of mass destruction if it's the last thing we do..

Tony : I'm sure you will but what has just crawled up my trouser leg and sunk it's fangs into my own weapon!?